It's Banana Pudding Time!
Put down that box of instant vanilla pudding and listen up! I’m going to show you how to whip up a batch of my famous super secret day-old banana pudding from scratch. It’s a simple recipe. The hardest part is waiting for this yummy dessert to sit overnight so that the banana flavor soaks into the vanilla wafers. And don’t you skip the old-fashioned meringue topping. That extra little step makes this Southern treat something truly special.
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 1/4 cups milk
• 4 large eggs, separated
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 1/3 cups vanilla wafers
• 4 ripe bananas
• 3 tablespoons sugar
Preheat oven to 375°F. Mix first 3 ingredients in a medium saucepan. Whisk in milk and 4 egg yolks until well blended. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, 6 to 8 minutes or until thickened. Remove from heat; stir in butter and vanilla.
Cover bottom of an 8-inch square baking dish with vanilla wafers. Top with banana slices, then half of the pudding. Add another layer of remaining wafers, banana slices, and pudding.
Beat egg whites at high speed with an electric mixer until foamy. Gradually add 3 tablespoons of sugar, and continue beating until sugar dissolves and stiff peaks form. Spread meringue over the pudding, sealing to edge of dish.
Bake at 375°F for 7 to 10 minutes or until golden. Let cool 30 minutes. Chill overnight and serve cold. Wait for the compliments to roll in!
A Secret Treat Just for You
Now, I’m going to suggest you save all those banana peels…
You read this far, so maybe we’re on our way to becoming friends. I have a little confession. The banana pudding? It’s just an excuse to buy bananas.
You see, I’ve always had an anxiety disorder, and when I spiral out of control, I need to calm myself down as quickly as possible. Otherwise, I’ll wind up working myself into a full-blown panic attack. So when I need to relax, I always turned to bananas.
That’s right. I said bananas.
Believe it or not, bananas contain a small amount of Musa Sapientum bananadine, a mild and pleasant psychedelic. Expanding my consciousness with bananadine always seemed to shrink my anxiety.
Bananadine’s easy to extract. You peel fifteen pounds of overripe bananas. Yes. Fifteen pounds—about forty-five bananas. I know that’s a lot, so I always make a few batches of my famous secret day-old banana pudding at the same time.
Anyway, you take a paring knife and scrape the inside of the banana peels. Gather the white mush and dump it into a large soup pot. Add two cups of water. Simmer and stir for three hours until the mixture takes on the consistency of a thick paste.
Spread the banana paste on two ungreased cookie sheets and dry it in a preheated oven for half an hour at 350°F.
When you’re all done, you’ll have one pound of black powder. Roll some up with flavored tobacco—or better yet, marijuana if you can get it—and smoke that trippy banana all the way to dreamland.
For More Kitchen Naughtiness
If you like this, you’ll love ALPHA BOTS. It’s a book all about how my womanoid friends and I use little kitchen hacks like this to escape the dreary domestic servitude of New Stepford. Reviewers everywhere are raving all about my story.
Anyway, banana pudding is the perfect covered dish for any event. Feed it to your family. Take it to church picnics. Share it with your book club. It’s the perfect dessert for school bake sales. Soon you’ll have more banana pudding than you know what to do with, and you’ll be famous for it too. 😉